Restarting the Old Rusty Engine
(For the 2nd Time too)

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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Real Life, Net Life... Aibon Life and Idol Life

Needed to have this written down, to compose my thoughts and as a reminder to myself.

Balance. Who can find the middle ground for it?
Real life has caught up to me and I find myself in constant struggle with it ever since my change of marital status last year. Everyone wants attention from me everytime, everyone want SOMETHING from me all the time. And it is getting more and more each day. Have I bitten off more than I can chew?

Sacrifice is needed under these circumstances, but I grew tired of it. For some reason, everyone demands it of me, unwilling to make some sacrifice of their own. What have I lost during the past one year?

It was around this time last year that I greatly slowed down my writing because of the changes that comes with my marriage. Obviously, my bachelor and otaku style of living needs to change somehow. I used to spend hours without sleep on the Net, as if the Net IS my life. And it was. Modding and roleplaying my Baldur's Gate games for the n-th time was my life. Writing songs and arranging music with my guitar and Fruity Loops was my life. Manga and Anime was my life. And especially HNPH, it was my life and my life's work.

I have since pushed away many, many, many requests for help in Japanese translations of even more projects in Anime, PV and lyrics. (For those of you reading this, I apologies again.) I have since stopped reading manga and purchasing/downloading anime. I have since stopped keeping up to date with the Jpop world. I have since put my writing and blogging literally to a stop. At times, I find that I have lost my passion in whatever I have done so far and have contemplated of getting away from it all. How has this happened?

Interests have diminished for the things that I have utmost passion for. Following the developments of the entertainment scene had always excite and inspire me. What do we have so far? Wedding bells for Ayaka, Goto Maki shifting label, new songs for C-ute, Gaki-san and Ai-chan in a dorama. Yet I find no joy in things like this anymore. Started to look at the idol scene in a different and twisted way. I recount another one of my most passionate interest, in the one Kago Ai - Aibon. My love for Aibon was HUGE a few years back, even when she got caught in her famous scandals I am supportive of her. But now... I am not afraid to admit that I have not read her blog entries even once. She is not Aibon anymore, she is just .... "Kago Ai". A struggling celebrity looking for a comeback in her career, trying to find a balance between her life's challenges and making it back to the mainstream of people's minds in the entertainment scene. In a way, I can relate to her and her suicidal attempts. I have scars of my own in my left forearm to show for that. Sometimes pressure and dissapointments in life can really bring you down. But it is not about always about the people around you, rather it is your own life that you have come to despise and you wish nothing else than to put at end to it. I sympathise with Kago. She had it rough, took it hard and made it hard for herself.

However, again it is in her that I find inspiration. Certainly, the things that she has gone through in her life - broken family, pressure from work, pressure from public, the media - it must have been even harder for her, considering that she faced all that before reaching her 20th birthday.

Therefore, I see no reason I cannot do the same. After looking at her blog for the first time yesterday, I thought to myself - I shall make MY own comeback. Things that I resolved to do last year, MUST be done in this year. Don't have time? Make the time. The Merovingian seems to think it is possible. Hopefully and with luck, I will not be defeated this time.

If possible I would humbly to ask the support from all reading this post as you have supported as always. Perhaps, you may even have a chance to embark on this quest with me. Will let you all know more in due time.

Best of Love and Peace ^_^

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Thursday, July 24, 2008

Gaki`s Letter to HNPH Readers

Dear HNPH Readers And Supporters of Gaki.
First, let me say thank you for your support for me since I joined HNPH, your comments have given me ideas for things to write about in the future.

You may have noticed that over the past few weeks, my postings have stopped on HNPH and the article series, that I promised you suddenly stopped.

For sometime the staff has known and now it is time, that the readers of HNPH and those of you who my have enjoyed my articles and hopefully in your own way offered your support through your comments to also know ,something that I am facing in my life .

Recently ,I suffered some nerve damage to my hands that makes it difficult for me to write ,even now this letter to you ,is uncomfortable and at times painful to write ,so I cannot say everything that I wish to say to everyone at this time.

As my voice has grown silent in the past few weeks ,my work has not , I have been helping my fellow HNPH staffers ,by providing them content for the web site and they have been posting it instead of me .

I plan to continue with HNPH or what ever we decide the new version of the site will be called and on good days, I will write as news develops. On bad days, I will work behind scenes and allow others to post the days news. There are other things, which Jin and I are considering to help me complete my articles in the future.

I can not say when my hands will be well ,but I ask each of you to not feel sad for me ,but to continue supporting HNPH and our new site and to know that each day ,that I am able to post ,means one more day that I have recovered.

Manny thanks to everyone, who found my contributions to HNPH of value, I look forward to writing for you again.

HNPH Columnist
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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend.... I've Come to Talk To You Again...

I guess this is what happens when life happens.

Due to things that are happening in real life, HNPH has been suspended and will have to come back to this blog for the time being. I guess life is getting back at me for neglecting it in the first place. However, I shall remain optimistic and hope things turn for the better.

Writing in the old Blogger software is giving me mixed reactions, as I have grown accustomed to the Wordpress software. Other than that, reading the old posts made me realize just how much passion I have lost on the Jpop scene when I returned to real life. Don't get me wrong, real life is REAL, and is a necessity. It is finding the balance that is difficult.

The only way to get me back on track, as with my style, is to go extreme. When HNPH is to be revived, it will be totally different and much better than ever. That is what I planned, hopefully God will agree.
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